Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's prominent hosts spent the airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The subject was the controversial program which permits international individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for five million. A government portal pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A quick note for you to rich immigrants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.