The Words given by My Dad Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who still internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - going on a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."